A Collection of Islamic Jokes

                                            A Collection of Islamic Jokes

Before you read these jokes, you might want to read a little bit about the conditions of joking in Islam. The article is located at the bottom of this page.

                                 


A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.
                                        


Here is the story of an Imam who got up after Friday prayers and announced to the people:"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
                                     


An Imam shocked his community when he announced that he was resigning from that particular Masjid and moving to a drier climate. After the session, a very distraught lady came to the Imam with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Imam, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kind hearted Imam said "Now, now, sister, don't carry on. The Imam who takes my place might be even better than me".



"Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too . . . "                         

 

Surat Al-Kahf ( about Dhul-Qarnayn. )

Surat Al-Kahf
18:83
Sahih International
And they ask you, [O Muhammad], about Dhul-Qarnayn. Say, "I will recite to you about him a report."

(நபியே!) அவர்கள் துல்கர்னைனை பற்றி உங்களிடம் வினவுகின்றனர்; "அவருடைய வரலாற்றில் சிறிது உங்களுக்கு நான் ஓதிக் காண்பிக்கிறேன்" என்று நீர் கூறுவீராக.

18:86
Sahih International
Until, when he reached the setting of the sun, he found it [as if] setting in a spring of dark mud, and he found near it a people. Allah said, "O Dhul-Qarnayn, either you punish [them] or else adopt among them [a way of] goodness."

சூரியன் மறையும் (மேற்குத்) திசைவரை அவர் சென்றடைந்த போது, அது ஒரு சேறு கலந்த நீரில் (மூழ்குவதுபோல்) மறையக் கண்டார்; இன்னும் அவர் அவ்விடத்தில் ஒரு சமூகத்தினரையும் கண்டார்; "துல்கர்னைனே! நீர் இவர்களை(த் தண்டித்து) வேதனை செய்யலாம்; அல்லது அவர்களுக்கு அழகியதான நன்மை செய்யலாம்" என்று நாம் கூறினோம்.
18:94
Sahih International
They said, "O Dhul-Qarnayn, indeed Gog and Magog are [great] corrupters in the land. So may we assign for you an expenditure that you might make between us and them a barrier?"

அவர்கள் "துல்கர்னைனே! நிச்சயமாக யஃஜூஜும், மஃஜூஜும் பூமியில் ஃபஸாது - குழப்பம் - செய்கிறார்கள்; ஆதலால், எங்களுக்கும், அவர்களுக்குமிடையே ஒரு தடுப்பு(ச் சுவரை) நீர் ஏற்படுத்தித் தரும் பொருட்டு நாங்கள் உமக்கு ஒரு தொகையைத் தரலாமா?" என்று கேட்டார்கள்.

18:98
Sahih International
[Dhul-Qarnayn] said, "This is a mercy from my Lord; but when the promise of my Lord comes, He will make it level, and ever is the promise of my Lord true."

"இது என் இறைவனிடமிருந்துள்ள ஒரு கிருபையே ஆகும், ஆனால் என் இறைவனுடைய வாக்குறுதி நிறைவேறும்போது, அவன் இதனையும் தூள் தூளாக்கி விடுவான்; மேலும், என் இறைவனுடைய வாக்குறுதி (முற்றிலும்) உண்மையானதே" என்று கூறினார்.
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Source : http://quran.com/search?q=Zulkarnain

Free walking guide, this weekend

                                                    Image courtesy of guardian.co.uk

Free walking guide, this weekend

This weekend we bring you no fewer than 100 fabulous walking routes, compiled in association with the National Trust. Each route is designed to showcase the very best of Britain. In tomorrow’s guide you’ll find 50 routes to suit all ages and abilities, including fun-packed family routes and strolls with soothing views. There’s even a selection of walks you can try by the light of the moon. I

In part two, we have another 50 walking routes, including the best spots for wildlife, food and drink, and long-distance yomps, free in Sunday’s Observer.

Share the experience by uploading your photos to Twitter (#outandabout), and for a chance to win a walking holiday in the UK, enter our competition here. 
by mail from The Guardian  

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A common greeting among Muslims, meaning "Peace be with you." The appropriate response is "Wa alaikum assalaam" (And upon you be peace.)

Extended forms include "Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah" (May the peace and mercy of Allah be with you) and "Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh" (May the peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be with you).

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Mothers causing division between spouses

It is Satan who separates between husband and wife and no one else.

This is every house’s call that her mother in-law or his mother is creating separation between us. Unfortunately you will not find anybody speaking on it due to a reason, neither scholars of Islaam nor the society, but the voice tears the four walls only when a big loss takes place secretly inside the four walls like bride burning etc.

First of all we request and advise the mothers and request those who read this to convey it to mothers that please don’t put your son in such a situation where neither can he speak nor keep quite. He cannot speak back his mother because Islaam does not allow him; he cannot keep quite because injustice is happening to his wife. If he speaks back to his mother in an unlike manner, he earns direct ticket to hell, on the other hand if he remains silent on seeing the oppression over his wife he earns hell; on both ways man is hell doomed.

There are endless reasons why this situation arises in every home and turns into its worst in maximum homes; the fundamental reason is that mother in-law is not happy with her daughter in-law due to endless reasons.

A person said, “She becomes unhappy with me when she sees me & my husband laughing with each other. She hates when my husband plays with his children & in turn she oppresses me in one or the other way.”

We see in Hindu society society that daughter in-law is under the control of mother in-law in every manner. She cannot move out, visit her parents without the permission of her mother in-law even though her husband allows her. Hindu tradition has damaged the Indian society at a very large extent. It says husband is your god and you shall not return to your parents home but dead even though you may be suffering a great amount of oppression from husband or from your in-laws. Killing the female baby child, bride burning, dowry given by the wife to her in-laws, considering women less human than men etc are nothing but the teachings of the Hindu culture. Since we know the effect of bad company, Muslim society became part and parcel of this ruthless culture because we were ignorant about Islaamic teachings even at present.

The result of this rift within the four walls has resulted to many disasters, one of them is ‘bride burning’. It is man goes to work or for job in the morning, his wife is alone with his mother and family members at home and so they set his wife in fire by throwing at her kerosene oil. Sometimes husband is one of them who sets his wife in fire but that is a separate topic.