Sunday, August 1, 2010



Looking for a potential husband – maybe you’re looking to improve the one to whom you’re married? Perhaps you’re a husband looking to improve yourself? Regardless of your reason, wouldn’t the following qualities be a good place to start?

1) Practicing the deen - This is the most important part for a healthy happy marriage in this life and hereafter. A pious husband who lives according to Quran & Sunnah.

A Pious Poor Pious Man is a Better Marriage Suitor than a Rich Man Who is Not

Hadith – Bukhari
7.28, Narrated Sahl

A man passed by Allah’s Apostle and Allah’s Apostle asked (his companions) “What do you say
about this (man)?” They replied, “If he asks for a lady’s hand, he ought to be given her in marriage; and if he intercedes (for someone) his intercessor should be accepted; and if he speaks, he should be listened to.” Allah’s Apostle kept silent, and then a man from among the poor Muslims passed by, an Allah’s Apostle asked (them) “What do you say about this man?” They replied, “If he asks for a lady’s hand in marriage he does not deserve to be married, and he intercedes (for someone), his
intercession should not be accepted; And if he speaks, he should not be listened to.” Allah’s Apostle (sall'Allaahu alaihi wa salaam) said, “This poor man is better than so many of the first as filling the earth.”

Hadith –
Al-Tirmidhi #3090, Narrated Abu Hurairah, radhi Allaahu anhu.

Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said, ‘When someone with whose religion and character you
are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.’ [Tirmidhi, Nasa'i and Ibn Majah transmitted it.]

2) Good Listener – This might be the biggest challenge for husbands. You see, by nature, men are usually productive oriented and women are usually more relational. Men often make the mistake of
trying to solve their wife’s “problems”. She doesn’t want you to solve anything – she wants you to listen (really listen) and show her that you truly are interested in what she says. She wants you to feel what she feels and live what she lives. When you learn to truly listen to your wife and keep your mouth shut – your marriage will blossom

3) Faithfulness / Loyalty – Show her you’re in it for the long haul (notice I said show her). How can you show someone you’re faithful and loyal? Do you follow through with your commitments –
however small they might be? Are you honest with your wife? Do you keep her up to date on your activities? Do you include her in your world?
She’s interested – show her it’s not just about you – it’s about her as well and you’ll reap the benefits of her security.

4) Sensitivity – You can forget what you learned in high school – most women aren’t looking for a husband who never cries. A sensitive husband perceives the needs of his wife and looks to meet
them. Sensitivity toward your wife will open doors of communication and intimacy you never thought possible. Try it, get that chip off your shoulder and show her some sensitivity

4) Handy – Guys, are you handy – what is handy?
Handy is when you take action to solve a problem, handy is when you change a light bulb without complaint, handy is when you take out the garbage (your idea, not hers). Wives like for their husbands to be handy – it’s not hard, be part of the solution – not the problem.

6) Provision Oriented – Please don’t get excited –this isn’t about the husband making all the money. It’s an attitude to help your wife fill in gaps. She can’t do everything – so help her! Is she busy with the kids – give up 10 minutes of the ballgame and clean dishes, fold laundry, or whatever. You don’t even need to be all that big of a help – you just need to show you’re trying.

7) Adaptability – Guys, marriage is an ever changing world and you’ve got to adapt favorably to those changes or you’ll find yourself wondering what you’re doing and how you got there. If you look
closely at your wife – filtering out years of environmentally induced behavioral changes – you’ll see that glowing woman you fell in love with years ago. Let me explain further – Love and feelings toward a wife should’t change. However, relationship do change as a necessity to those changes around. Time constraints, needs of children, financial obligations, etc. each require a level of effort that takes time away from relationship. You’re success as a husband will largely be dependent on your attitude toward the adaptations required by life. Lastly, don’t let the tail wag the dog – don’t let your feelings toward
life’s changes affect feelings toward your wife – leave this to your heart. Tail wag the dog – don’t let your feelings toward life’s changes affect feelings toward your wife – leave this to your heart.

8.) Humility – Nobody likes an arrogant man –there’s no place for it in marriage. Show humility – when you’re wrong –admit it and do so with humility. She’ll probably be shocked and her reaction might be unpredictable – but inside she’ll glow with admiration.

The Noble Qur’an Al-Baqarah 2:228

…And they (women) have
rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar
(to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and
respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of
responsibility) over them. And Allâh is All-Mighty, All-Wise.

Jazakkallahu hairan

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